Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong!

Son: Dad, why doesn’t the law allow us to marry more than once?

Wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the doctor’s now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Husband! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

I am Multi-tasking, I can Listen, Ignore & Forget at the same time.

The best teacher in the world is that friend who teaches you everything 20 minutes before an exam.