“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

Teacher: Can you define who is lecturer?

Son: Dad, why doesn’t the law allow us to marry more than once?

When i joke they take it seriously. When i’m serious they take it as a joke.

Wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the doctor’s now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Husband! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Husband got shocked while reading his wife’s school report card…