Wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the doctor’s now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Husband! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

I have a Smartphone, Smart TV, Smart Fridge, and Smart AC, and I’m essentially the dumbest thing in my house.

The best teacher in the world is that friend who teaches you everything 20 minutes before an exam.

Yes Officer, I Did See The “Speed Limit” Sign, I Just Didn’t See You.

Teacher! Explain Newton’s law of motion.

Sometimes my brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it’s never found again.