Wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the doctor’s now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Husband! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Student: Would you punish me for smoothing I didn’t do?

Teacher! What is the purpose of having school?

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

Teacher: Test will be easy everyone will pass.

I have a Smartphone, Smart TV, Smart Fridge, and Smart AC, and I’m essentially the dumbest thing in my house.