Teacher: Test will be easy everyone will pass.

They said don’t give up your dream. So i went back to sleep.

If a dentist makes money off people with bad teeth, why would I use toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

When a Girl Says ‘What?’ It’s not because she didn’t hear you, She’s just giving you chance to change what you said.

Yes Officer, I Did See The “Speed Limit” Sign, I Just Didn’t See You.

Wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the doctor’s now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Husband! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

I changed my car horn to Gun Shots sounds… People move out of the way much faster now.